Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
