his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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