if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
