Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
