...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
