She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
