Who wears a wallet chain?!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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