careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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