her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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