How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
