My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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