i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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