so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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