Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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