So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
