Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
