i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
