You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
