Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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