Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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