Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
