very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Alive.
So much puke
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I AM VODKA MAN
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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