Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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