I have demons in me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
