2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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