Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
