alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
