Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
