listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
