i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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