I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
