What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
