I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
