The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
