is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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