everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
