Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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