I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
