i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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