my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
