I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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