i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
