He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
