cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
