Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Randomize
