just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
