Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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