she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
