Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
