I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
