just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
